I've been so frustrated with myself. I'm sure some of you can relate in some way.
I want to want to love God more. I love my sin too much. Praying and reading my Bible often feels like work. I don't desire to give to the poor as I should. I don't give with a cheerful heart like I should. I don't love people like I should. I tend to put God last instead of first. I want to want to do these things.
So many times I try to do these things out of guilt and fear. I hate being lukewarm and I try to fix it by works, but when I try to work my way to love, I'm really becoming more selfish. I hear so many sermons of letting go and letting God but this is hard to grasp in the practical world and tends to leave me frustrated. The Holy Spirit is the only cure. I can do nothing to fix it but be real with God as I am being real in this post. I don't have the ability to love God without God helping me love Him. I believe if I continue to ask God for a greater love for Him and people the Holy Spirit will continue to work in me to reach this point. It is hard to trust but I think trust is the only way I can begin to rely on God to help me love.
We as Christians should stop lying to ourselves and be real with God. When we become real with God I believe it helps us realize our true sinful condition and our great need for God. God knows every part of us anyways (Psalm 139). This has been on my heart lately and I hope it serves as an encouragement that you're not alone if you feel this way. I believe this struggle is apart of God molding me and breaking me. I am nothing unless Christ makes me something. We think too highly of ourselves and too lowly of God.
